Stepmom refuses to buy any Christmas presents for her 10-year-old stepdaughter because her husband is lazy: 'If he wants his daughter to have gifts, he must buy them himself.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 16, 2025 8:00 PM EST

She's punishing an innocent child for something she has no control over.

It's far too common for adults to put children in the middle of conflicts they're having with other adults. Anyone who has watched the hit reality show Dance Moms knows this. Dance teacher Abby Lee Miller will be in the middle of a fight with one of the titular dance moms, and she'll turn to said mom's daughter and say, "Do you see how your mother treats me?" That makes the child feel conflicted about whether to side with her mother or her teacher. It's bad enough to watch two authority figures fighting each other constantly, but feeling guilty for taking your own mother's side makes it even worse.

It doesn't matter how angry you are at your spouse, your child's dance teacher, or your sister: it's never okay to use children as pawns to get your way. Intentionally hurting children to prove a point to another adult is just cruelty for cruelty's sake, and the other adult involved is not going to be as emotionally affected as the child will be. If you are willing to do that to a kid, it's worth questioning what other duplicitous things you're eager to do. 

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  • Beautiful young woman in red dress in front of illuminated Christmas tree inside her house decorating it
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The stepmom in this story is willing to risk her 10-year-old daughter going without presents this Christmas to prove her husband is lazy. This little girl helps out with her baby more than her husband does, but that doesn't mean much to this wicked stepmother.

  • Am I the bad guy for not buying Christmas presents for my stepdaughter?

    133f decided this year I am not buying any gifts for my step daughter 10f. Last year my husband 35m and I had a baby 1f and our relationship has been getting worse. He does not help with the baby as
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • much as I expected and also expects me to handle most of the housework. Even when he is home he tends to find other things to do instead of taking care of our daughter and the only one who does help is his daughter when she visits on the weekends.
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • A young girl sitting on the ground with a skateboard
    via Fellipe Ditadi (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I've asked him over and over to help me take care of her but he tends to ignore me. When we fight about it he will tell me he's tired from work, which I do understand he works as a manager at his company and
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • has unpredictable long hours, but at the same time he needs to put in effort at home as well. The only thing he does for us is cook dinner during the week and will cook all meals on the weekend. I've
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • also made him a list of projects to do around the house, none of which have been done since I made the list. He also is lazy when it comes to planning, getting gifts for his family, making sure we all
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • have passports when we travel and even bringing tickets to events. He tends to ask me when we are driving to the event or airport if I remembered to bring the tickets/passports which annoys me and I often ask him, what if
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • I didn't? He takes no accountability. So this year I've decided that if he wants his daughter to have gifts he must buy them himself.
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • Green and red Christmas tree with baubles
    via Clint Patterson

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I do feel bad, when she came over last weekend she saw all the gifts for my family and my daughter and asked where hers were and I had to tell her that it's up to her dad if she has a good Christmas this year.
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • AITA for not getting her any gifts? Update: I want to clarify that I'm not just doing it to my step daughter, going forward I won't be getting any gifts for his family members either. It
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • will be up to him to provide gifts for all holidays and birthdays for his family. I just want them to see how neglectful he is as a spouse. Right now his family and especially his daughter thinks he's a great father and
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • husband and don't see the work that I do. One of the reasons I married him was because I thought he was a great father, he's always taking his daughter out, playing with her and spending time with her, which is also another
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • reason he doesn't get anything done on the weekends. But after speaking with his ex she has also confirmed that he checked out of parenting when their daughter was a baby and only become more active in her life once she turned 3.
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • Before then it was his mother that would pick up their daughter and force him to spend time with her. I just want him to feel pressured to
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • participate and I want his family to understand that I do most of the work that they appreciate and thank him for.
    via u/Honest_Honeydew_6471
  • YTA melzasaurus You're punishing the person who helps you to prove a point to the person who will feel to be the aggrieved party. Buy the 10yo presents from you, and let dad explain where his are. But do buy her presents.
    via u/melzasaurus
  • snoop_ard YTA. Get her gifts, but only from you. You're punishing the wrong person here.
    via u/snoop_ard
  • HarveySnake WTF why would you punish the kid because you married a piece of shit? YTA, buy the kid a xmas present and rip your husband a new asshole that he deserves or better yet hand him divorce papers. Stop punishing others because you made a shit choice to marry a shitty human being.
    via u/HarveySnake
  • Fearless-Speech-1131 "The only one who does help is his daughter" YTA and incredibly cruel. The evil stepmother emerges from her lair. Feel sorry for this child
    via u/Fearless-Speech-1131
  • BreakfastInfamous665 YTA. You are using a child to prove a point to your husband??? What if you divorce (sounds likely) and your daughter's step mother does this to her?? Think about that for a second. It's just cruel to make a 10 year old feel terrible to prove a point to your husband. You should rethink your role as a stepmother (and probably in your marriage).
    via u/BreakfastInfamous665
  • Junior-Trade5338 YTA. Why punish the daughter for her father's behavior? Don't bring her into your marital issues.
    via u/Junior-Trade5338
  • YTA. NobodyLoud She's 10. You even said in your post she helps with the 1 y/o when she visits on weekends, which is better than your shit bag husband. This shit has to be fake.
    via u/NobodyLoud
  • phdoofus So you're going to punish a child for someone else's actions. What's the lesson here you're trying to impart to said child? You need to have a hard look in a mirror. YTA.
    via u/phdoofus
  • shorty2783 YTA the only thing you are going to accomplish with this is destroying your relationship with you stepdaughter. The outcome of that is she will resent and might stop helping you with the baby
    via u/shorty2783
  • sovserious YTA - you're essentially punishing the kid for her dad being an ass which isn't fair to her. this is also pinning them against each other which isn't cool either. i feel like the solution is for you to get her gifts from YOU. don't ruin her christmas cause you wanna be petty
    via u/sovserious

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childcare stepmother housework wife christmas presents parenting husband dad ex wife family
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